I swear.. I'm fine.

Note: I'm about to complain about my completely unimportant life. Feel free to skip. This post is pointless, I'm just expressing, I don't expect you to read.

I have absolutely no motivation to do anything anymore.

Motivation for Childcare, something I was really looking forward to. Gone.

Motivation for USA when I'm 21, something that if you knew me, I was absolutely positive was going to happen. Yep, Gone.

I'm not even excited for anything. Good Charlotte on Friday, moving next week.. It's all gone.

I'm just.. existing. I have no ambitions, no goals, no dreams. I'm just alive, and lately, I don't even have the motivation to do that.

I have absolutely no clue what I'm suppose to be doing anymore. I'm not pleasing anyone. I got my report card today. Mum said 'How bad is it?' with no humour, like she expects me to do shit. I over-heard her talking to the rest of my family tonight. 'I don't know what we're going to do about her'. It's like even my family doesn't believe in me. I shouldn't expect any different though, it's not like I believe in myself.

My friends make me feel like such a no hoper. They're all pretty, and beautiful, and wonderful, and have ambitions, dreams and wishes. They all ooze potential, and I always give up. Literally, I'm thinking now.. everything I've started, I've given up on. I don't even have one big hobby. Like, tennis, or art, or I don't know, making cards. I don't.. people ask me about my hobbies and all I can give them is the typical 'Hanging with friends, listening to music' crap. I have nothing to define me. Physically or internally. I've even been told I have no defining features that make me, me. There's a lot of people that have brown hair, green eyes, and are pretty ... not skinny. ;D Like I said before, I'm just existing. I'm not me. I'm just a person.

I SHOULD go to a councilor, but I'm not going to. I don't need help. I'm fine. I'm just whining about my pathetic life. I'm smiling. I'm happy. This is just a phase. I hope.

Please, let this only be a phase.

End Note: See? Told you that was a winy post about me. The next post I do, I swear, I'll make it happy. :D