The person behind green eyes.

I realise no-one reads this, but I am actually quite enjoying having a blog. It's like.. I get to express everything, with no faces required. I'm about to talk about me. A friend, Lysy, got an assignment this term involving her to write how she became who she is today, who helped her be this person.. blah blah blah. Well, it's got me thinking.. Who am I? Really? There's a lot of things that make me, me... For now. The most important thing in that sentence. 'For now' I believe, We are never the same person. Every single day, we are someone different. Not in the sense that we become completely different human beings every time we awake. No, but each day, something about the previous day would have changed us. Whether it may be people breaking up, or a simple smile to someone whom we wouldn't previously talked to. This all changes the way we look at people, the way we think.... The way we are. In an attempt to understand myself more, I'm going to talk about myself, as of the 26th of March, 2011. First and foremost, my name is Sara. My favorite colour is blue, I was born on the 21st of November, 1995. I have one younger sister, Rachel & two older brothers, Phillip & Robert. My parents are divorced, my Dad remarried.. to someone I don't like. Here's some things that might make you understand me more, though there's alot I haven't said;

• I'm a complete loner, but I can't stand to be alone. After a weekend with my 5 friends, I find myself itching to go home. To be in silence again, with just my music blaring and no-one disrupting me. I love my friends, there's nothing I wouldn't do for some of them, but I just love to be alone, as long as I know I'm not truly alone.


• 98% of the Time, I believe I am truly unattractive. Granted, there are days where I look in the mirror and think 'I look pretty today', but to me, all people see when they look at me is my extra fat and bad blemishes. I have turned away all of my pictures in my room multiple times, only turning them back because I don't want to have to deal with my Mum questioning me.


• I'm a total bookworm, but am extremely fussy. Any book I read has to have some sort of love story in it as I'm a total romantic, but I hate when it's overbearingly mushy.


• When I'm 21, Gabby & I are going to America for six months, because there's no point UNLESS you're 21. I plan to receive my Australian Tattoo from Miami Ink, and buy a cake from the shop out of 'Cake Boss'.


• I also plan to visit France & Italy, basically tour around Europe aswell. I love travelling.


• My Father thinks I can't own a Hummer, paid off by the time I'm 30. Yes, I'm doing that, too. I have the scenario in my head of me pulling up, & Gabby taking a picture of his priceless face. I love proving people wrong.


• I seriously, honestly and whole heartedly could not live without music. It defines me. I used to be completely mainstream. I met people who weren't. They introduced me to a whole new world. My top favourites (mainstream & non-mainstream) : Paramore, Mayday Parade, Taylor Swift, Good Charlotte, & Many, many more. I love music.


• I have a reeaallly bad habit of thinking up the most extravagant scenarios, then freaking out if they're tragic ones, or insulting myself for being so stupid if it's a really good one.


• I do not think I will have a boyfriend for a while, not that I don't want one, but why would anyone want me? A negative person, when they could have a thinner, prettier version who's confident and positive. That's how I see it, anyway..


• I like to think I'm caring, and that I'm there for my friends. I'll try and give them answers, and usually, I think I know what they need to do. I just never know what I need to do.


• I hate feeling like I need help. Not in the sense of when I'm at school. I probably ask for too much help at school. If I have a problem. I'll solve it. Mum has wanted me to go to a councillor for about three-four years now, and she still brings it up. I flat out refuse. every. single. time. I feel week, like I can't do anything for myself. My problems are my problems, not everyone else's.


• There have been days where I've just thought 'Fuck it' and wanted to end it all right there. I have a tendency to believe that In the end, it doesn't even matter. Nothing I do will matter, so why bother? I'm just going to be forgotten.

Shall we discuss my wants?

My Tattoos ( as of now, it could increase or decrease)

1. I want something to represent Australia on my left hipbone, I'd like it not to be the normal southern cross.


2. The words 'Make it matter' on my right rib, to the side but underneath my breast. This refers to the thing I said before about none of it matters. I think like that, doesn't mean I want to. I want this tattoo just to tell me to make everything I do matter, 'cause even though in the end, all I'm going to be is a story, I'd like it to be a good one.


3. Something on my shoulder blade to represent my mother, she's my rock.


4. An anchor on my right ankle, and a cloud behind my left ear to compliment the quote 'Keep your feet on the ground, when your heads in the clouds' from Brick By Boring Brick - Paramore.


5. This ones a maybe. An array of black small birds, fluttering across my forearms, starting down below on my left forearm, and ending near my wrist on my right. As I was writing this, I imagined the birds flying up my side, instead. Hmm.


6. I also really kinda want a side one, winding up my left from my hip to rib.

My Piercings. (As of now)

1. My Nose.


2. Another set of ear piercings, plainly beside my first ones.


3. My Belly button.


4. Maybe, my lip. MAYBE. It's more of a no now, though as I have been informed the front hole doesn't close up if I don't want it.

I reaaallllllyyyy want to die my hair red, but I refuse as alot of people are currently doing it, and I hate looking like I 'follow' the crowd. It makes me feel so.. unnatural.

I could be here for hours, but I won't, 'cause this post is long enough. I'm already expecting the one person that sometimes reads my blog to just say 'Too long, didn't read.'

If there's anything I've forgotten I'll edit it and add it in later, but for now. This, is me. I don't like me. I actually pretty much hate me, I don't know how other people actually like me, but in reality, I can only change so much & whether I like it or not, I have to live with it.

I have to live with me.