You know that girl who everyone secretly hates? That girl that everyone bitches about? That girl that tries to fit in, but just doesn’t.
I have this terrible feeling that girl… is me.
I have two groups of friends.. one at my old school, and one at my current. In neither do I feel like I truly belong. Both looks wise and personality wise. My old group is .. amazing. Both groups are. I’m so thankful to have them in my life. I always find myself feeling like I’m sitting on the outside, watching in on all the fun in our monthly get togethers. And when I do input and attempt to be part of it all, my eyes must do tricks on me, because I always think they’re just thinking ‘Ugh. Just shut up. Stop being so weird. Stop trying to fit in, you don’t.’ or something along those lines. Part of the outside feeling is my fault, I sometimes purposely sit out, making myself on the sidelines, mainly to protect myself from the rejection when someone insults me, even jokingly.. that’s how low my confidence is.
My other group has been recently sitting with a new group, and it’s not that I get told not to go with them, it’s just that the other group makes me feel like I completely don’t belong. They’re all pretty and outrageous, and I’m all… me. They like the rest of my group, so I think they just put up with me, smile and joke with me, then bitch behind my back.
I’ve had an experience where one of the groups I sat with completely abandoned me then found me alone one lunch time told me they didn’t want me to sit with them again. I went home and cried myself to sleep.
I really hope that doesn’t happen again.
I really hope I’m not that girl.
P.S; Very sorry my first post is something quite depressing, I will try to make the next one lighter J
I love you, and usually I would give you a long, deep and meaningful comment about how amazing you are. But presently I haven't the effort, so I will simply say this: If you know you're doing it, stop. Simple fix. You are only that person because you tell yourself that you are. Your self esteem is not low because it's taken a beating, it's low because you're holding it down. Purposely. Stop being silly, take the pressure off and let it soar.
ReplyDeleteDon't argue with my logic. You know that I'm right.